The Alien's Goal

I reached down and grabbed the energy drink out of my cooler that cracked as I put my hand into the bag.  The fizzing liquid, clear and bubbly, went down my thirsty throat.  The taste of blueberries erupted in my mouth.  I closed my eyes for a  moment and puckered my face as the substance traveled to my stomach. 

My life was chaotic, unmastered, and I was mostly ignored.  This gave me a feeling of freedom that words can’t charge pictures for.  At home, my parents fed me, clothed me, provided a thick, grey roof over my head, and yet, to them, I was nothing but an inconvenience for them.  A baby popping into the world wasn’t their idea.  I came in much the same way condoms break and don’t fly away like red balloons. At least those showed a warning. 

Annoyed with my thoughts I picked up a basketball and shot it at the goal.  It bounced off the board, and I ran after its orange hopping soul.  

Grabbing the sphere, I looked up and saw a strange man dressed in pink with a yellow ball cap, wrinkled and stained as if from the garbage can.

“Excuse me, sir,” I said.

“Indeed or in deed,” he repeated, and I noticed two different words.  

“I…”

“Oh, my name is Eric, inspector of Earth.”

I didn’t reply.

“I have a question for you,” he said.  I noticed he lacked a shadow. 

“I need to get going,” I said. 

“Just give me a thought for a penny.”  My lower lip quivered, but I kept my fear silent.  The guy was either crazy or trying to pull some stunt.  I needed to keep my guard up.

“I…”

“So, in your cognition, is a thought true or is an action true?”  

I paused perplexed by his reference, in your cognition.

“Um.”

“Look, I have three other planets to fly to today.  You popped up in the computer, so don’t feel too special,’ the being said.  A feeling of anger rose in me.  He continued, “If you think of scoring a goal and your ball fails to achieve the thought, is the thought false?”

“Okay, weirdo,” I said.  “The thought is true.  The action is false.”

He chuckled, “Always a human. We knew you would go like space drums and the" Olgies.”  

“Well, fine, the thought is false,” I said.

“The thought lead you to throw the ball and make a goal.  It is difficult to put this concept into an insane species’ head.  I’ll tell you that your thought is a lie and that you don’t know it because you’re barely conscious, as is the rest of your species.  Well, goodbye in so many ways.”

“Wait!” I yelled out in vain.  The alien disappeared, a faint scent of sulfur filled the air.  

So aliens fart when they leave.  

That’s the trophy of human humor, a thought entered my head. 

Go away, I thought back.

Already am, dear.